Overrated: Facebook

I don't really hear about the benefits of Facebook except from GMTV scraping the barrel for news about a serial killer and people trying to sell their services through it. I do, however, hear regular stories of spats, tiffs and verbal punch ups created by a bit of networking.

 

Facebook's overrated - it’s not bringing everyone together, it's conning people into thinking they've stayed in contact with their friends when they've done little more than receive automated news reports.

 

Social status anxiety - we all know it's not really possible to have hundreds of real friends; even if you are the modern day Fonz. How many people have you heard rate a stranger or acquaintance by the amount of friends they have?

 

Faking it - friends whispering about other friends who add just about anyone just to seem popular. Whether it's the result of a twenty minutes non-verbal proximity while meeting mutual friends or adding 'celebrities' or companies; you will be judged.

 

Word of mouth marketing - Smooth media dicks are now calling this 'Wom', the ultimate marketing tool. Making your brand a Facebook profile is not the best way to make us fall in love with a brand, despite what you tell your clients. It's a lazy, no-hoper's lame attempt to get into young minds. If you've got a brand or seven in your friends list, it means you're a sucker. You probably reply to scam emails too.

 

Screening - It’s checking out your date’s credentials before you’ve really talked; looking at a potential employee’s profile for warning signs, scanning the guest list before your friend’s house party. We used to call this kind of behaviour stalking.

 

Groups - While most people use these like teenagers use badges, there are people who think they’re genuinely making a difference by starting or joining Facebook groups, while they do nothing in their real lives. There are about a million petition-groups: petition to make nandos change to free range (36 members); let gays Give Blood! (384); to make Fridays half days (144). How about petition to get off your arse and

 

Adding your parents - You really want your parents to know what you've been up to through a tag in a friend's topless clubbing photo album? People who add their parents have generally encouraged them to join. While this makes the parents feel like they are better connected to the kids in their own language, it just gives the kids an excuse to call less often.

 

The big con - Facebook tricks you into thinking you know how your friends are, what they've been up to and how they're feeling. Meanwhile, you’re talking to them less and only ever see them in large groups, organised on Facebook, of course. A status update just isn't the same as a quick call.

 

Friend stealing - the unspoken etiquette of Facebook means that some people get upset when two people meet, get on and declare it a friendship. I've seen a few people become strangely possessive and judgmental about this. Surely the whole point of 'networking' is to connect people?

 

Top friends - everyone has an unspoken friend-hierarchy, but Facebook encourages you to broadcast it openly. ‘Why aren’t you I in your top friends list? You’re in mine!” Friends get promoted and demoted according to how a user feels that week.  You should be grateful you have any friends with the amount of time you spend on the internet.

 

Work friends - ever had to delete a comment about your twatty colleagues or your job hunt so your work friends don’t see it? You don’t adorn your desk with pictures of drunken friends and pictures of all the men/women you think are ‘Hot or Not’, so why are you sharing so much of your personal life with your boss and the spotty kid from IT?